E! True Hollywood Story
by SoleilFairconoture
Summary: This is a series of satirized E! True Hollywood Stories. I do not own that show or any other shows or characters mentioned


E! True Hollywood Story: Barney & Friends  
  
Barney and Friends looks like a sweet and innocent PBS Show, but E! goes behind the scenes to   
  
discover the ugly truth hidden beneath the squeaky clean surface. We have personal interviews with  
  
past and current cast members and never before seen video footage. Sit back and enjoy the journey  
  
of this turbulent childhood staple.  
  
In the spring of 1987, a housewife in Connecticut name Alma Potterhead, had a little too much Jim   
  
Beam and Valium when she came up for the idea for a new children's show. "I do not understand why  
  
no one has created something like this before. A homosexual dinosaur and a bunch of impressionable  
  
children. To me that spells a hit", Potterhead said to Barabara Walters.  
  
Later that day after all the scripts for the whole season were written, the search for an efeminate  
  
dinosaur went underway. One of the many to audition for the role was Dino from the classic serie,  
  
"The Flintstones". In a 1992 interview, Margaret Harris, casting agent for PBS, said "Dino was  
  
not what we were looking for for the part, we wanted someone who stood upright and spoke English'.  
  
In our attempt to contact Dino for an interview, his publicist responded with, "That is a chapter  
  
in the life of our client that he would like to forget."   
  
One day while in a muppet strip club called "Felt Bodies", Harris spots a dancer that would be   
  
perfect for the show. "He had charisma and flair and was gayer than the way Wham looks", she   
  
said. Now they had their dinosaur and their orphans and were ready to shoot. "Orphans are so much  
  
cheaper than actual actors. All we have to do is buy them and pay them only an allowance of $20  
  
per week. We can work them a countless number of hours because we are their legal guardians",   
  
studio executive Nash Vil said.   
  
In the first season, "Barney & Friends" was a huge hit, but fame and fortune was too much for the  
  
first cast of children to handle. Mary and Ricky were arrested for D.U.I. outside of Ventura,   
  
California in August of 1988. "At that time, my life was in a downward spiral. I was either drunk  
  
or stoned every hour of the day. When I tried to confide in Barney, he would always," Ricky breaks  
  
down sobbing, "I don't think I can continue. A week after the D.U.I. incident, Ricky filed a   
  
sexual harrasement suit against Barney and the producers. The jury in the trial granted him his  
  
requested $5 and a free happy meal from McDonald's.  
  
Later that year, Mary was fired from the cast of Barney for not being perky enough. "After "Barney  
  
& Friends", it was so hard for me to find work and I had absolutely no support from Barney for our  
  
little boy. I was reduced to starring in adult films for ham sandwiches", Mary said, "I love ham".  
  
She licks her lips just thinking about the ham.  
  
In 1990, Baby Bop, Heidi Fleiss' former assistant, joined the cast of Barney & Friends. "When I  
  
joined the cast of Barney, everyone was so nice and supportive. Barney would always say to me,  
  
'Baby, I'd like to bop ya', while thrusting his hips forward. I loved it all", she said.  
  
Baby Bop was born LaRere Onesha Jenkins-Jacksonsaur in 1945. As a youngster growing up in   
  
Dinoapolis, Dinotopia, LaRere dreamed of going to Hollywood and becoming a star. At age 10, she  
  
couldn't take it anymore, she had to have what Shirley Temple had, so she packed up her Barbies,  
  
and ran away to Hollywood. Unfortunately she didn't make it that far. She made it all the way  
  
to Macon, Georgia, where she married Frederick Bop, a human who washed dishes in a greasy spoon.  
  
She didn't get her break in Hollywood until she was 45 when she was casted as a 3 year old dinosaur  
  
with a yellow blanket.  
  
In 1992, Baby Bob began an illicit affair with 10 year old, Carlos, her co-star. "Carlos was the   
  
greatest lover I ever had until he shot his brains out. Oh well", Baby Bop said. Shortly after  
  
Carlos' death, BJ joined the cast of Barney. BJ was Barney's son from his 15th marriage.   
  
In an interview with CNN, Tasha, a former cast member revealed these startling facts to the world.  
  
"Rumors started circulating around the set that Barney and BJ were having an intimate relationship.  
  
One day, I walked into Barney's office to get some crayons, when I saw them two in a comprimising  
  
position. BJ was like only 15 at the time and his eeew!"  
  
In 2002, the IRS caught up with Barney and forced him to payback the 3 trillion in back taxes  
  
that he owed. Now homeless and peniless, will Barney ever get back on his feet, only time will tell.  
  
This has been the E! True Hollywood Story: Barney & Friends. Tune in next time for E! True Hollywood  
  
Story: The Backstreet Boys. 


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